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Through the transformation I have been trying to make I had to step back and think have I ever felt good about my body? Nope

Looking back at old pictures i get jealous of myself. I looked so good, but why didn’t I see that? I regret not feeling good about myself when I really was a good size.

As you will see in the above video I talk about how my parents affected my body image from witnessing how they were dissatisfied with their own bodies. I am very afraid of transferring that to my own children. Which might be why I keep pushing it further and further away.

But, the one memory that really stuck with me was from a person I should have felt was on my side, my cross-country coach. He said I should just get used to being big and get over it. Now he said this behind my back, but in front of my younger sister’s face. I’m glad my sis stood up for me back then. It was a huge thing to do because she was extremely shy.

After I graduated high school I was determined to lose weight because of the comment he made. So I lost weight the wrong way I honestly only ate 500 cal a day. I know I probably damaged the heck out of my metabolism but at that time I didn’t care. I just wanted him to see I could do it.

My sister had a cross-country banquet that I went to see and of course who do I see there they guy who ruined how I saw myself. I wish I could tell you that him seeing at that size was worth it but he didn’t care. All he said was “oh you’ve lost weight” gee thanks all because of you.

Now that I have recognized that I have to fix the way I see myself hopefully it will improve, but I still can’t believe he said even now. For someone your supposed you look up to, it was just despicable.

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